What Happens When I Try to Do (any kind of) Work

So…I write a lot. How dare an MFA program make its students write! But seriously, whether its essay work for a class, reports for my office, or my own writing, this little computer gets used a lot. Probably why she emits a sound equavalint to that of an air conditioner now. Sometimes she turns heads in class, or Rahul says “Your air conditioner is kind of loud,” when I have no air conditioner turned on.

I was successful at getting some work done at Starbucks...

With a lot of writing comes a lot of reading, especially as I start working on a seminar paper for one of my classes. The guys in my house asked me what I did last night and when I said “homework” they all made faces. Ah, the life of a graduate student.

I would probably get a lot more work done in a shorter amount of time if I didn’t have such an all over the place, bizarre brain that often refuses to stop thinking or formulating or just be still. When your brain won’t stop repeating the lyrics to Carly Rae Jepson’s “Call Me Maybe” in your head, it makes it hard to get a quality amount of work done.

What Happens When I Try to Do (any kind of) Work:

  • Write five sentences. Go back and read the 12 pages I’ve already written and write five more sentences.
  • Stare at my nails. Bite my nails. Paint my nails.
  • Run over my to-do list until I write it down on the nearest thing possible—my planner, back of an envelope, my hand.
  • Still obsess over my to-do list.
  • Check my email. Hit refresh.
  • Read my story or paper out loud with plans to add more afterwards. Change a few words and add one sentence.
  • Check this website.
  • *30 minutes later*
  • Find a snack.
  • Check the time on my phone about 4,000 times.
  • Look up a place or person referenced in the text I’m reading. Press Google image. Look up the author. Read his Wikipedia page.
  • StumbleUpon. Enough said.
  • Read a sentence seven times before moving on to the next one.
  • Shake my head to try to get rid of the brain block that prevents me from processing anything I’m reading.
  • Stare at the wall.
  • Look at all my paintings and pictures like I’ve never seen them before.

But not so much at home... (as this was taken after I chased a DEMON FLY around my apartment for five minutes, using a library book as my weapon of choice. Multiple purposes for literature.)

  • Clean.
  • Change location.
  • Drink a lot of coffee.
  • Look up a word I don’t know. Then look up another word I don’t know in that definition. Repeat more if necessary.
  • Google “lactate specialist” because I’m writing about one in a story.
  • *15 minutes later*
  • Realize I’ve been on Facebook the whole time instead.
  • Pick at my nails. Again.
  • Look up an inordinate amount of celebrity information. Watch new movie trailers posted on IMDB.
  • Think about what I want to wear that day, or what to eat for lunch.
  • Fall asleep.
  • Check the weather.
  • Turn on the TV just to “take a break.”
  • *30 minutes later*
  • Friends episode ending just as another one is coming on. Take this time to catch up on Draw Something games. If Law & Order SVU is on…
  • *3 hours later*
  • Go for a run. Obsess the whole time about what I have to do when I get back.
  • Send a finished story to Rahul after reading it over about 8,000 times (and not actually making any changes to it).
  • Press refresh on all my Zynga games. Get angry when no one has played me back on Scramble with Friends. Don’t they understand how much time I spent in the past (while studying) trying to download this on my Android phone before it was finally available for Androids?
  • Spend more time obsessing over which music to listen to while studying than actually studying.
  • Go to a friend’s Facebook to post on her wall. Get distracted by other links she has posted.
  • *10 minutes later*
  • Actually post my intended link after closing about 8 open browser tabs. (No really. This just happened).
  • Look through library books and mark the chapters I want to read. Set them back down on coffee table.
  • Make this list.
At this rate, I’ll never be done with school work. And I’m already going gray.
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11 thoughts on “What Happens When I Try to Do (any kind of) Work

  1. Pingback: H.A.L.T. « wordifications

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