Have you ever had one of those moments where you stopped what you were doing, looked around, and thought, “What the hell am I doing?”
I had one of those moments on Sunday, right after I tripped over a big rock while running and came crashing to my knees. I was already a bit flustered because 1) I was running a completely new route 2) I kind of didn’t know where I was and 3) I had, in my classic nature, left 25 minutes after I meant to, which meant sunset was fast approaching.
It was my own fault. Earlier in the day, I had decided to run a new route that took me into the top corners of Rock Creek Park. I carefully studied the trail I was going to use but, when I got there, I couldn’t find it. So, just a minute after I thought wow, this trail is really rocky, I BETTER WATCH WHERE I’M GOING, I found myself frantically studying my phone while running and next thing I knew I was soaring to the ground.
I sat there for a moment, dirt all over my hands and knees, and tried to process what had just happened. But all I could think was “what the hell am I doing!?” On top of that, I couldn’t get my grandmother’s warning to never go into Rock Creek Park at night out of my head (she used to live in DC) and my mom’s warnings to generally never go anywhere alone at night out of my head.
Hey, at least I remembered my dad’s advice and threw my hands down to catch myself. Whoo hands.
But my frustration over falling was more than just a bruised ego (and right knee). It’s with myself, and my ridiculous schedule, and my (potentially) foolish plans. I’ve been busier this semester than I have been in a while. I teach pretty much all day Mondays and Wednesdays, have weekly meetings, office hours, grading, and SAT tutoring classes. On some days, I leave at 8 AM and get home around 10 PM. I’m not complaining, because I’m happy to have the work. It’s just taking me a while to reconcile that my time is not my own anymore. Even when I’m home, I’m usually spending all of my time grading or doing other necessary things (like cleaning, cooking, showering, killing gnats that won’t leave my plants alone, lesson planning, etc).
That being said, this has drastically cut down on my free time. There are many things I would like to spend said free time doing–reading Wild (next book on my list), watching Agents of SHIELD and other silly shows with Rahul, going to see The Maze Runner in theaters (I loved that series, okay?!), going to see Gone Girl in theaters (the clock is ticking down on that one), watching Netflix, BLOGGING, working on my unfinished thesis project, generally wasting time, and exercising.
When I weighed my options, the exercise option came out on top. I just can’t not exercise in some way, even if it’s not as much as I would like. I can tell how much better I feel when I exercise regularly, and I occasionally need some kind of outlet that frees my mind more than watching a movie or looking at cute adoptable kittens online can.
So I decided that I would train for a half marathon on Nov. 22.
Sounds crazy, right? But my last half went really well and I figured that as long as I am least running three times a week, with a long run on the weekend, I can still do it. Plus, having something to work toward will motivate me more. The running three times a week is what I’m able to fit in right now. I count on those runs.
So back to Sunday, sitting on my ass with dirty knees and hands. I haven’t registered for this race yet, and all I could think was the “what the hell am I doing?” How can I run a half when I can’t even get a mile into a run without injuring myself? I know that Sunday’s run was circumstantial, but in my stressed out mind, where I allocate a certain amount of time to get this run in, I just felt like an idiot.
In hindsight, I had a classic Katherine-panic-moment, where I experience anxiety over something that’s not really that big a deal at all. But when the running is one of the few things that provides a non-grading, non-work outlet, I need one that is injury free. AKA stress free. Because otherwise my brain goes bye-bye.
In other news…
Last week was one of those weeks where everything happened at once because, you know, LIFE. I visited the dentist to have my permanent crown “installed” (following a very expensive surprise root canal 3 weeks ago), I visited the doctor for my persistent headaches after realizing a burner had been out on my gas stove and I thought I was dying, I visited a different doctor later in the week for my persistent headaches and was prescribed antibiotics for a sinus infection, I took my car in for an oil change, my computer had a meltdown and had to be taken away for science (eer repairs), etc etc etc. Basically I felt like Andy Dwyer after visiting the Doctor for the first time in years. It was like my life had picked this past week as THE WEEK for everything to break.
But never fear, this week has been looking up. I got my hair cut, I received the Stella & Dot jewelry I ordered after attending a jewelry party last weekend (do you know they serve wine at those things? Wine + pretty jewelry = dangerous combo), my computer is back and is basically brand new, I’m killing it (so far) in grading my student’s essays (as in I’m way further along than I expected to be at this point) and, THE BEST NEWS OF ALL:
THIS GUY GETS HERE TODAY!!!!!! He has a short layover in DC before spending a weekend in TN then he’s back up here! FOR 12 WEEKS! I’m so excited I could scream but I’ll wait until I see him at the airport. TODAY!