Why No One in My House is Sleeping

First of all, I realize that many of you will not be able to sympathize with what I’m about to write. Those of you that live in big cities or other development areas where the rude alarm clock symphony, consisting of jack hammers and giant dirt claws, happens on the regular will probably just roll your eyes at this. But I gotta say it: I can’t take it anymore!

A few weeks ago, we started noticing a few strange things outside our house. First, part of our parking spots disappeared, replaced by a huge hole in the ground. Then, suddenly, there was a twin hole across the way in our FRONT YARD, destroying the flower garden and sidewalk. The hole was bad enough, but what made it worse was the fact no one was warned before the hole appeared. Somewhere along the way, we discovered they were looking for a steam leak that was affecting a plant behind the row. This came as no surprise—for a while now, steam has been blowing out from the grates and sometimes directly from the ground itself.

The basketball court disappeared!

The basketball court disappeared!

Then, the big news came: the steam leak had been discovered, and it was right underneath our basketball court. The positive news is that we’re getting a new top for the basketball court. The negative news is that, for about three weeks now, my annoying as hell phone alarm has been replaced by the annoying as hell jack hammer outside. And it’s always the jack hammer first thing in the morning. Why do they have to start with the loudest thing first?

Currently the noise is one comparable to a helicopter flying low to the ground. Which, of course, reminds me of the gross helicopter scene in 28 Weeks Later. The reference is outdated, but I only saw the movie for the first time last night and, let me tell you, if I had a choice, I choose “The Walking Dead” zombies over the ones in 28 WL. Those zombies can run and know how to beat people! No thank you.

Which also reminds me, check out “The Walking Dead” Season 3 Recapped in Memes. Hilarious. Also, THAT reminds me of my biggest question about the show: why do they not just climb trees to escape the zombies!???! My friend Alex says this is not a valid theory, but I refuse to believe that not one person in that group knows how to climb a tree. I mean, are you trying to tell me Merle doesn’t know how to climb a tree???

But back to my main point. No one in my house is sleeping beyond 7 a.m. And it’s making us all look like zombies around midday from lack of sleep.

(Like how I brought that back around?)